remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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