You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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