That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize