yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
