Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
