You work out of a Hotel?
My hand turned me down
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
