wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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