I just saw a hot homeless man
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
