okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
