She is in my trunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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