That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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