We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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