there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
