Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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