2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my poor anus
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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