i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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