He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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