Betty ford says i'm here all night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
