That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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