I wish I only lived at night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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