Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
