I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
