nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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