dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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