while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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