High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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