Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
