I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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