so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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