They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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