Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
