He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
