why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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