mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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