bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
try to milk me bitch
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