He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
