turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
