Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
