I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
