do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
