It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
