My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
