I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
