You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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