God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Houston, we have a squirter
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
