i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
