I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
