ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
