my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
