Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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