I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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