if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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