I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
