i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
