Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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