i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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