Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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