I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize