I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
