Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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