I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
