Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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