I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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