My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
