onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
