u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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