dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
