We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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