I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
