Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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