he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize